To be the world's fattest woman... NEW CONTENDER!

A while back I wrote about a behemoth Donna Simpson who aimed to be the world's fattest woman.  As absurd as this sounds, there is a new heavyweight in town! 

Susanne Eman is currently tipping the scales at about 728 lbs.  Her long term goal is 1600 lbs and hopes to get there by consuming an entire grocery store 20,000 calories a day!  She only goes to the grocery store once a month (with the help of her two kids) and spends about 8 hours filling up 6 shopping carts.  I'm guessing she isn't rolling around on a standard issue hover round. 

Why would anyone take on such a goal to be the world's fattest woman?  Well, supposedly Susanne couldn't lose weight and instead of exercise, eating less, eating better thus decided it simply easier to eat her self to the fattest woman on the planet.  Not to worry, she is going about this "the right way" by regular blood sugar and blood pressure checks.  Additionally, she is visiting here doctor to monitor (?) her weight gain. 

Since I know you have been dying to know, here is what Susanne typically eats.  I saw this in a British article (yes there are more pics if you are really that curious) and thus some strange references to "crisps" which us "yanks" call chips.

Breakfast: 6 x eggs scrambled, cooked in butter 468 cals. 1/2 pound bacon 1,168 cals, 4 x potatoes as hash browns 672 cals, 6 x pieces toast with butter 600 cals, 32 ounce cream shake 1,160 cals. Snacking 1 x bag of animal cookies 1,950 cals, 2litre bottle of soft drink 800 cals, 1 x 10.5 ounce bag of barbecue flavour crisps 1,650 cals, 3 x ham and cheese sandwiches 1,576 cals.

Lunch: 3 x beef, bean and green chilli burritos with 1 x cup of sour cream 1,453 cals. Salad (1 head lettuce, 1 cup cherry tomatoes, 1 cup carrots, 1 cucumber, 1/2 cup ranch dressing, bacon bits, 1 cup crumbled cheese, 1 cup chicken 1,479 cals.

Dinner: 12 x filled tacos + 1 x cup sour cream 4,906 cals, 2litre bottle of soda 800 cals, Dessert 8 x scoops vanilla ice cream 2,080 cals, 1 x small pan of brownies 1,200 cals.

Total: 21,962 calories

Jamba: Cheeseburger Chill Smoothie

Liquid Lunch BRO!  That's what my old corporate America co-workers would shout as they rushed out to Hooters to throw down as many beers as possible before the magical one hour lunch vanished.  Kids, not only is it bad to come back to work with buffalo wing sauce all over your izod tie, there is a better way to DRINK YOUR CALORIES!!!!

Jamba Juice packs about 3,000 calories worth of sugar in most of their fruity smoothies, but who wants fruit calories!?!  Jamba has taken the goodness of a cheeseburger and blended it into a wonderful smoothie.  Disgusting? It all depends on when you drink it, and I can guarantee it will look exactly the same after your body processes it (vomit or poo, your choice).

New Hot Pocket: EPIC FAIL!

I was enjoying some television this afternoon when I was confronted with the newest evolution of the Hot Pocket.  This new heart attack inducing product is marketed as a pizza type meal that can be eaten in the hustle and bustle of your mobile lifestyle. I give to you the 3 reasons that drive my hatred toward the Hot Pocket and affiliate products.

1. When the hell wasn't a single slice of pizza not a mobile dish?  I suppose there is the long thin strips of New York pizza that would have a tendency to wilt and upon rolling would leak grease (much like a standard "Hot Pocket"), but the point is still moot.  Pizza can be eaten on the go, or perhaps more realistically consumed upon the travel between the microwave and the couch...

2. Consumer foods should never have an inside out version.  How about an inside out version of an orange?  Yea, orange slices with peel on the inside!  Too healthy?  Ok, how about a nice chicken leg filled with deep fried batter?  There might be a reason Col. Sanders never implemented such a disgusting plan.  Btw, what military did Col. Sanders serve in? 

3. America is too damn fat.  Yup, I went there.  Seriously, do the American People (and perhaps residents of American Somoa, Canada, and Puerto Rico) need another quickly made fat filled product?  I would imagine that if one were to occasionally partake of a Hot Pocket or related affilate product, on the single serving level it wouldn't be entirely a death wish bad.  The problem is for those who have developed a habit of eating such filth consume more than one per sitting. 

I tried to do some research on the nutrition facts behind the Hot Pocket, and the official website kindly let me know Hot Pockets are a great source of Calcium.  Seriously?  Here are the real facts on the Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pocket which seemed to be the next closest thing to the new product (no info available yet, or possibly ever)

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 1 piece

Amount per Serving
Calories 350 Calories from Fat 170
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 19g	29%
Saturated Fat  7g	35%
Cholesterol 30mg	10%
Sodium 850mg	35%
Total Carbohydrate 34g	11%
Dietary Fiber  2g	8%
Sugars  6g
Protein 11g	22%

Vitamin A	4%
Calcium	15%
Iron	15%

---

Est. Percent of Calories from:

Fat 48.9%     Carbs 38.9%   Protein 12.6%

Yea, yea, I see the calcium.  I would also add: An excellent source of Cholesterol!!!1

Bonus Round: Jim Gaffigan really says better than I can in regards to the Hot Pocket.