UK Gangs Use Snakes Instead of Guns

I wish I could say I was making up headlines, but this story is entirely true.  In the merry old UK the average citizen is not allowed to own guns.  When rowdy gangs need something lethal, they get creative. 

According to an article by the Daily Mail, a group of hostile youths cornered a 14 year old boy with a 4ft python and it bit him on the hand.  When the bobbies police showed up, they consulted an expert google to see what kind of snake bit the boy.  Apparently the lad was having some breathing troubles from going into shock after being kissed by a snake. 

A comment from a parent involved in the incident:

I want to know where these young kids got these dangerous snakes from in the first place.

This problem could have been avoided had the UK passed rigours standards before allowing one to purchase lethal snakes.  Perhaps a 10 day waiting period, background check, limit on how many snakes one could own, or full government registration would have prevented troubled youths from owning snakes.  This same standard should be applied to sharp objects, blunt objects, and anything that can be thrown, with force, at least 8 meters.  The people must be protected!

As a quick a note, if you happen to be surrounded by 14 year limey children brandishing pythons, you need not be worried too much.  Although pythons do have a painful bite (see NatGeo video above) they are not poisonous; they'll simply squeeze you to death and then devour your carcass whole.  I also vaguely remember seeing an after school special about snake bites and one section was regarding pythons.  If I remember correctly, because of the way their teeth are angled you are best served by pushing you hand further in the snake's mouth, prying the jaws open a bit, and then pulling your hand out.  Maybe fact check wikipedia before removing your hand from a snake's mouth... just saying.

I made it through this entire post without a single Snakes On A Plane reference :)

Hat Tip: Gun Pundit